Work.
Then not work.
I'm sitting here drinking a cup of chai team and listening to Tracy Chapman. "Two weeks in a Virginia jail. For my lover. For my lover."
Today felt strangely significant because my space felt less other and more like home. I think it's mostly due to the little bit of reorganization I did which included removing some things that I don't need. I'll send those home with my son when I see him on the 26th in Utah.
But the other thing I noticed was that I was less compelled to think about the SHOULDs. I hate SHOULDs. A well-lived life aggressively eradicates the SHOULDs.
It was a night of small celebrations. I found the sock and trivet I had lost for the last week. Don't ask me how you lose objects in a 7x15' space but I have talent in this particular area. I surprise myself almost daily on my ability to lose things. I wonder how much of my life I'd recapture if I didn't spend it looking for things.
I spent the night cooking and cleaning and listening to Stuff You Should Know - Cleveland Torso Murders. I made some crispity chicken thighs that I learned to appreciate through Stephanie Meyer's wonderful food plans (Project Vibrancy). I found myself focusing on what I was doing rather than thinking about 10 other things. It's what I've always said I love about camping - the Buddhist concept: chop wood, carry water - focus of the immediate - Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now - focus on the everyday activities of life. A broom felt good in my hand.
At the end of the night, I found my mind wandering into the all too familiar concept of relevance. I admire people that can feel fulfilled when completely alone, not needing a connection with others. I have never been able to get there and feeling irrelevant to others bothers me. I wrote about the concept a while ago and Covid made the concept a constant companion; I became irrelevant. It's strange that after experiencing that, I chose to hit the road which essentially eliminated my opportunity to see all the people that I had missed over the last year. So, why did I run the other way? Hmmm.
There was a study years ago that showed homeless people were more likely to conquer poverty if they had someone in their life that had expectations of them - relevance. So, relationships are important. I know they are part of what feeds my soul. I see them as the mechanism to develop context for my life - through other peoples' stories, I see my own. I'll be seeking out new connections and new stories - my own collection of short stories.
